The majority of this blog was written a month ago, but traveling to the states, and then traveling in the states has delayed me in posting this.And it’s good I didn’t post it back then, because I’ve been able to analyze and think about some more stuff,that I have come across in the past three weeks, regarding this thought.

I LOVE being home, because I LOVE my family and friends here so much. I’m learning to just appreciate each and every single moment, living in the moment, instead of missing other things and people. I think we often miss out on appreciating the moment because we’re so caught up missing some moment from the past, or needlessly worrying about some moment in the future (which my never come by the way).

During my time here, I was able to attend one of my best friend’s wedding in Florida. Their love story is pretty much the stuff fairytales are made of, and all the credit goes to God’s creative writing. It was a beautiful wedding.

photo courtesy of Molliner Photography*

I don’t know about you, but at weddings, my mind starts to wander a bit and starts thinking of all the potential/past “what ifs”.

Ultimately I know that a lot of relationships in the past didn’t work out because they weren’t God’s perfect will, but the human practical side of me has conglomerated all those past hurts into one defense mechanism, “The Great Wall”, and I don’t mean China’s…which I did climb at one time, and when I was done felt like my legs were going to fall off… I mean the wall I put around my heart to guard my heart from being hurt or broken again.

I have come to realize that actually the obstruction around my heart is more of a gate…a VERY tall gate, than a wall. Still, I have to admit I’m not the best at guarding my heart. It’s very bi polar, either I open the gate wide or I lock it up tight. I know this is unhealthy. It’s something I’m aware of, and something God is teaching me how to not take to either extreme, but I wonder if the person God has for me also too has a responsibility in “guarding my heart.”

The bible tells us:

“Guard your heart above all else,
for it determines the course of your life.”- Proverbs 4:23

This pertains to EVERYTHING and EVERYONE you allow in your heart. It’s a super important job, and one that I pray my future spouse will help me with, and that I can help him with.

But more importantly than myself, or my future spouse, guarding my heart, There is The GateKeeper. The Holy Spirit. A gatekeeper is defined as “someone who controls access to something”.Ultimately I want Him to allow what goes in my heart, and who goes in.

But I wonder in a relationship if that is a responsibility for the significant other as well.

“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.” Ephesians 5:25-27

Looks like the responsibility is weighed heavily on the husband. For him to do what it takes and present his bride spotless and pure like what Christ did for the church. That’s a HUGE responsibility, and one that unfortunately many men do not take seriously, and it has had detrimental effects.

The man should guard the heart of the female. He should not be leading a female on. He should be using wisdom in how he interacts with a female he is not interested in. This keeps him above reproach, and also guards his sister’s heart. Also, if that is not his wife, then he’s flirting, or doing other things, with another man’s wife. Do you want a guy flirting, or doing other things, with your future wife? If he is interested in a female, then his actions and decisions regarding her should be selfless ones that will help present her pure, set apart, respectful, gentle, safe, and honorable.

I would have to say the same applies to females. We shouldn’t be giving mixed signals, or flirting, or leading guys on that we have no intention of calling our husband. God calls us to submit to our husbands as if we are submitting to God. God is not o.k. with us fluttering from one guy to the next.

I’m starting to believe that one clear sign that someone is for you is that they guard your heart. They know your flaws and guard against any lies that may try to come in, especially when it comes to their actions and its effect on you.They dont make selfish decisions, they make decisions that are best for your heart, and let me just say, sometimes those decisions may be tough.

I see a picture of a man at the gate of a woman’s heart, next to The Holy Spirit. He sees something wanting to come in, and he looks for approval from The Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit says “No”…the man keeps the gate locked. He sees something else wanting to come in, he looks for approval, The Holy Spirit says “Yes”…the man swings the gate wide open, but the man is constantly consulting The Gatekeeper to see what is best for the ladies heart.

That’s the a kind of love I hope to see and know one day. A love that guards.

Agenda: Love,

Bethsaida

***I’m just a woman wanting to learn what a healthy, godly relationship looks like…I’m no expert.  So feel free to leave your input on this <3 Journey.

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I can’t shake this sweet feeling.

Last night, in Manila, I went out with a friend of a friend and his girlfriend.

First thing, walking to the car he opened the door for me to get in the car. I was awkwardly surprised by this gesture. I’m definitely not used to that, and it felt as weird as putting pants on with my left leg first, than my usual right leg. (try it.. try putting your pants on with the different leg first…weird).

It started raining, but that was not a problem, because the driver had an umbrella ready for me, and he had an umbrella for his girlfriend, to walk from the car to the restaurant. Again, being awkwardly surprised, I didn’t know how to lead the way with the umbrella over me. Should I go to the right or left of the car, the driver kindly instructed me with the point of his hand.

What brings about this feeling of protection? What is that thing called again? Chiv? Chives? Oh.. that’s right Chivalry!

I mean, I’ve heard about that before. I’ve seen lil glimpses of it at times, but it’s been a while since I’ve literally seen such care taken by a man for his lady… Especially since I work in the field that I do, where women are disrespected, and mistreated all the time.

I thank God for that reminder, because it gives a glimpse of hope.

Since I like to ask a lot of questions, all the time (was always that kid in class that had the questions when it was close to the class ending, and that everyone probably hated at that moment), I asked him what was different about his girlfriend that made him want to commit, after a decade of singleness. (his girlfriend wasn’t there at the time)

He said ” How kind she is to other people. She doesn’t see economic differences as a right to treat someone unfairly, or unkindly.”

Plus she’s gorgeous…which he was VERY happy about =)

But the very first thing that he said was her heart… her character.

It was such a blessing to go out with them last night, and see such a sweet example of respect, security, and love.

I believe, unfortunately, that as women we sometimes hide behind “being strong”, and not needing men to do things for us. But I have come to find out that, humbly, we do need men to do things for us, like give us their jacket, or walk us from one place to the next with an umbrella over our head, or carry our bags, or walk us to our car,  or open the car door for us (and not just on the first date), and be enamored by our character, and not only by our outward appearance.

It doesn’t make us any less of a “strong woman”. It just makes us a woman.

I once knew what being treated with chivalry was, many moons ago, but more recently, the closest I’ve come to chivalry is going to Medieval Times, where the nights kept on calling the ladies “mi lady” (which I secretly though that was so precious).

Men:

1. Us ladies want to be treated like the princesses God made us to be. Sorry for any misconception, or rejection.

2. Thank you to all those men who have not lost the art of chivalry.

Ladies:

1. Don’t settle for a guy that doesn’t respect you, and make you feel like you’re worth more than rubies, through the little things that he does for you. (just a thought, forget your umbrella on a rainy day, and see how he handles that situation =)

2. And to those who “don’t need it”.. be open to it. You just might find that putting your pants on with the opposite leg first, just might be better =)

Ladies, do you have stories of chivalrous men? Would you mind sharing them? 

Men, do you have tips? Ideas? Comments on this? Would you mind sharing them?